tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4136127029720129227.post1769181798700234702..comments2023-08-01T07:08:17.745-02:30Comments on Conversations From Land's Edge: Dialogue...Let's Talk About It (part I)Alan W. Davidsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17067022519729701245noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4136127029720129227.post-43223213305132128632009-07-27T12:33:28.993-02:302009-07-27T12:33:28.993-02:30I wish I could be helpful, but frankly I struggle ...I wish I could be helpful, but frankly I struggle with dialogue more than most anything else myself. I've been working on it steadily for the past few years, and I think I'm making progress... but it's an uphill battle for me. I talk funny anyhow.<br /><br />The best advice I've ever had is that it's helpful to say it out loud. I always read my dialogue to myself to test it-- if you've ever acted I think of it like running lines. Testing out how to say it so it feels real, and if it can at all.Kateyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05727622678452936037noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4136127029720129227.post-88710295450771421122009-07-27T07:54:05.822-02:302009-07-27T07:54:05.822-02:30Many thanks to you all for the kind words and advi...Many thanks to you all for the kind words and advice. I will give the suggestions some thought as I try to "fix up" the piece for submission.Alan W. Davidsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17067022519729701245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4136127029720129227.post-13788013455436639372009-07-26T12:20:18.924-02:302009-07-26T12:20:18.924-02:30I would like to see more personality from the girl...I would like to see more personality from the girl. As it is, I can't see her purpose. He's looking out at the bay and then let's us know he was startled by her. That's passive. What does she do to startle him? Instead of him telling us her doll is dressed like the girl, let us see it with him. Perhaps when he goes to shake her hand, she holds out the doll's hand instead. The dialogue needs to reveal something. The child needs to reveal something, perhaps about the grandmother. Otherwise, the main character could have just approached the old woman and asked for her help.<br /><br />Helen<br /><a href="http://straightfromhel.blogspot.com" rel="nofollow">Straight From Hel</a>Helen Gingerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09794759602654727110noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4136127029720129227.post-10050822194540835872009-07-25T18:01:41.076-02:302009-07-25T18:01:41.076-02:30I agree with K.C. that the dialogue is fine, but a...I agree with K.C. that the dialogue is fine, but a little narrative to help it mingle into the story is a good idea, too. Sometimes too much narration kills a good bit of dialogue, though. Find some chunks of dialogue from published pieces that seem to work really well--how does the author make it work?Aaron Polsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15173267932358617304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4136127029720129227.post-51605802253757342262009-07-25T13:28:19.620-02:302009-07-25T13:28:19.620-02:30I didn't feel the setting was natural enough t...I didn't feel the setting was natural enough to start with for the dialogue to take place i.e.<br /><br />If you were to say: As I knelt before the gravestone of my ancestor I became aware of another presence. Turning my head slightly, I found myself on the same level as a small child. Her elfin feature made a impace on my mind as she spoke to me.<br /><br />"What'ya doing, mister?"<br /><br />I smiled a little unsure whether to speak or not,"Reading the grave stones."<br /><br />"Why?" She asked as twisted the arm of her dolly which was clad in the same fashion as herself. etc etc....<br /><br />I felt you need more of a flow to your dialogue within the flow of the story itself otherwise you're stopping and starting which interfere with the overall flow of your work. <br /><br />I hope that is some help to you.Paula RChttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05550276147711384895noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4136127029720129227.post-45223522567209375352009-07-25T13:20:54.778-02:302009-07-25T13:20:54.778-02:30I think you did an excellent job with the dialogue...I think you did an excellent job with the dialogue. Emily speaks like a little girl, and the MC sounds appropriately grown-up. It's an interesting snippet too--good luck on it!K.C. Shawhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12467201304235217944noreply@blogger.com