Thursday, July 15, 2010

I Love the Smell of Woodchips in the Morning

My office smells like wood chips.

I know that seems a banal topic, but I had to post about something because I was getting sick of looking at the beardless photo of myself. Thanks for all the comments on that last post. Mostly. The jury is still out on whether the moustache comes off.

Back to wood chips. Why that's of importance to anyone else, I do not know. We bought a new dog bed for Jet and it lay on the floor in my office for a few days until V took the initiative to move it up to the living room. It's from Costco and apparently the filling is wood chips. I'm not complaining about that because there are worse aromas that could waft from an office. Like old geezer middle-aged dude. Speaking of creepy geezers...

I apparently lost a bet recently and the punishment is that I have to pimp out some sort of sleazy contest. Kat Del Rio over at Crooked Tales is running Smutfest 2010. Many of you who read the #fridayflash stories may already know Kat and her steamy fiction.

Perhaps you made a wrong turn in the bad part of town and ended up in that dark alley. Yeah, that alley with its overflowing trash cans and back entrances to seedy nightclubs. That's where you hear the Kat call. You can get all the contest information here. Drop by her blog and give her a hand (just make sure you wash it first). Spin your sordid tale. Let the eroticism spill forth. I know ya want to.

I'm reminded of another steamy tale I recently read at Lerftbrainwrite, the blog of Linda Simoni-Wastila. But that's not why I'm mentioning her. Linda offered up a link yesterday at her blog taking you to 'I Write Like' where you can paste in a sample of your work and have the style and word choice instantly analyzed to reveal which famous writer your style resembles.

I pasted in samples from all 8 of my #fridayflash stories: Dan Brown, Stephen King, Dan Brown (at this point I'm waiting for Stephenie Meyer to pop up), P.G. Wodehouse, a Chuck Palahniuk and three Vladimir Nabokovs. I must admit that I have heard of Vlad but couldn't tell you any or his work. Apparently his biggest success was Lolita. Hmm...that was a bit erotic, wasn't it?

10 comments:

Cathy Olliffe said...

So you're saying your office is like a hamster cage, then...
Well if you're that attached to the smell of wood chips, may I suggest coming to my house where there is still wood to split. All hands most definitely welcome!
Yes! Kat's contest... or should I say Kat's Kontest! I pimped her at my blog, too. And I do have a swishy idea rolling around in my brain that needs airing. I'll be sure to put your name on it.
I did that 'I Write Like' thingie too, and apparently I write like James Joyce. I only submitted one, though... your scientific research deduces that the thingie is a hoax or you have many and varied writing voices. You should check out Mark Kerstetter's post on The Writer's Voice. He talks about just that thing.

Kat said...

Holla my pimps!!!

Alan, my Good Man, you may be in the seedy part of town...but you're in good hands, Chico. I know all the best spots. ;)

What's your pleasure? I'll hook ya up. Heheheheee. :D

It's gonna be good, un-clean, tasty fun! Like chocolate dipped in sin. Mmmmmm.... (I gotta suspicion my contest is gonna make Gallagher look neat and tidy. No...that isn't watermelon flying across the room!)

"I Write Like" sounds cool. Will go check it out now! Thanks Alan!

:)

Natalie L. Sin said...

I recently talked about a character, that smelled like clean wood shavings. Not a bad smell at all : )

Cate Gardner said...

Damn, but I got Dan Brown. The creaking you hear is me swinging from the rafters.

katey said...

OMG you got Wodehouse! JEALOUS!

This Smutfest sounds SO like my kind of thing. As in, like everything I've ever written. I might have to dig something up!

Mark Kerstetter said...

You should be a shoo-in to win Kat's contest. Lolita's some seriously dirty stuff.

Anton Gully said...

Lolitas Lynch Mob

That is one of the oldest, most lauded everydayfiction entries of all time. To this day I have no idea why, and I think Sarah Hilary is a dick. I could be wrong, but... how often do you hear people saying, explicitly, that she isn't a dick?

Food for thought.

Anton Gully said...

Wait! I missed the point of the previous comment! I tried to make it all about Sarah Hilary being a dick. It should have been about the contest.

So do you think that dick, Sarah Hilary, will be entering the contest?

Danielle Ferries said...

Lolita is a great book. One of my favourites.

Bukowski's Basement said...

I'd give anything to see you in a Zoot Suit pic as a pimp...