Sunday, March 6, 2011

Again With the Horror...

I guess this post can be considered an extension of the previous Bad Movie Night post. Don't worry...I'm not going to inflict another review on you. Prof. Larry forwarded me a link to what he referred as "...vitally important information for us all". This link will take you to a Horror Movie Character's Survival Guide. This is a list of more than 300 tips designed to increase your odds of survival should you find yourself stuck in a bad horror film. I know, that's A LOT of tips to go through. If you don't have that kind of time I'll list a few that I found relevant and amusing (in a twisted sort of way).

• Do not search the basement, especially when the power has just gone out.

• Always be nice to the shy, quiet, unpopular girl in school.

• Stay away from 'quaint' hotels and inns. Go for the brand names.

• Don't run through the woods wearing high heels, as most of the time one of the heels will break.

• If you are a female, never show your breasts, easy women are expendable.

• If you walk into the local abandoned-looking church to seek help or shelter, and you notice that the crucifix is mounted upside down, turn around and go back outside as quietly as possible.

Yada, yada, yada...the rest follow in the same vein. Anyway, I've you've got the time scan through the list and let me know which ones that you like.

I've recently discovered the Huffington Post as a cool resource for online news. They update fairly frequently and often have spectacular photos. Last week I stumbled across an article by Rev. Jonathan Weyer, a Presbyterian minister from Columbus, Ohio who blogs for Huffington. His article called Sacramental Horror Stories: Shining Light Into the Darkness of the Human Heart takes a look at different types of horror and explains why it can help us that there's more to the world than what is visible. The Reverend also published a horror novel called The Faithful. Yep, you heard it right. A horror novel. Follow the link to check out the review at Amazon.

Of course, no discussion of horror would be complete without injecting the name Aaron Polson into the conversation. He posted on Thursday about the setting of prices for one's ebook. Take a moment to drop by his blog and participate in the poll that he's conducting (top right corner of his blog). How much would YOU pay for an ebook novel?

And continuing the discussion of scary things...nice segue, eh?...My pal Laurita Miller has only 6 more sleeps until she shaves off all her hair for the Shave For The Brave campaign. If you haven't done so, please drop by her pledge sheet and throw a few bucks her way. Or pounds, or deutsche marks, or yen...She has WAY surpassed her goal but, you know, why stop there? The money is going to help young adults dealing with cancer. A good cause, no?

And...what could possibly be scarier than Blood Sucking Monkeys from West Mifflin, PA as described by Joe Flaherty as Count Floyd?


Cathy Webster (Olliffe) said...

OMG, what are you still doing up? Sleepless in St. John's?
Looks like we both have the lovely Laurita on our minds.
And I love the horror victim tips. Will have a look when I'm not half-asleep. Off to bed with you! You'll be a bear in the morning! (Oh wait, that's me...)

Laura Eno said...

Those are all excellent tips to follow... ;) Of course, you forgot the scientist with ripped clothes that says "Don't make me mad." Stay away from him too.
I'm so happy that Laurita has surpassed her goal!

Laurita said...

Great survuval tips. This is the main reason I never wear heels. You never know when you'll have to escape through the woods. You should also never say "I'll be right back" 'cause you won't.

I really enjoyed that article by the spooky rev. He makes a good point about gore for gore's sake.

Thanks for the mention. I'm getting a bit nervous now, but glad the weather is warming up. :)

Natalie L. Sin said...

Don't take a shower. I can't stress that enough.

Katey said...

Dude those sound like some TERRIFYING monkeys. And so near my hometown too! OOOOOOH. (Count Floyd needs some work on his Pittsburghese though. Didn't call anyone a jag off. What's that about?!)

I'm checking out the rev now. Awesome stuff, Alan!

Danielle Ferries said...

Some favourites...

If you are female and you just found any of your friends dead by any means it's probably not the time to get naked and take a shower.

If you really must run screaming through the woods, remember to dress for it. Jeans and sneakers always beat a filmy nightgown and high heels.

Don't make fun of or play with dead things.

Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chain saws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, weed-whackers or any device made from deceased companions.

Remember, the hot teenage babe you're having sex with will eventually turn into either a vile demon or your dead grandmother, so be quick and keep your eyes closed.

Alan W. Davidson said...

Cathy- Yeah, it's way past my bedtime. I only intended on starting this blog post but got on a roll and suddenly an hour and a half slipped by...

Laura- Of course, the mad scientist! Now, is that before or after he drinks that potion...

Laurita- The weather is perfect right now for the revealing of the dome. Sadly, you know what it's like here...could be -10 by Saturday.

"You should also never say "I'll be right back" 'cause you won't." And you always seem so cheerful...maybe there's a little cynic in you after all!

Nat- Very true, especially if the shower curtain is transparent. Beware of crazy men with big knives.

Katey- I didn't realize that I hit so close to home with that one. So NOW I know why you write the stuff that you do. What, being influence by those blood sucking monkeys in your childhood.

Danielle- "Don't make fun or play with dead things" sounds like the title of a horror story to me. Very fine choices, indeed.