Sunday, March 27, 2011

[read between THESE lines]

Wow, that was a week that I'll never get back. It all seems a blur now. Three days this week we had significant snow fall that required shovelling (mostly using the snow blower, of course). But I did have my junior Sherpa on hand to hide in the warm car  fart around  do most of the manual labour. I must be having sympathy pains (like when 'V' was pregnant) because my back is still paining me. I had to make up the lost office time by working after hours. And my overlords are now cracking the 'overtime whip' in an effort to get more steel out the doors. I used to like overtime when I was younger (one year I had nearly 500 hours of overtime) but I prefer to avoid it now.

Friday's snow storm played havoc on the boy's schedule too. He is a member of the robotics club at school, and they were to compete against other Jr. High schools from the eastern part of the province at a certain unnamed 'institute of higher learning' here in St. John's. However, the event was cancelled due to the snow and high winds preventing travel of the out-of-town teams. We did fill out the permission form and submit it to the school a few days ago. You all have no doubt seen these forms before. Essentially written in legalese, signing away one's rights to sue the 'institute of higher learning' until well into the next century.

Let me relate to you some of the facts of the two page document [and a few of my thoughts in passing.]
  • Although it is understood that 'the institute of higher learning', in general, endeavours to provide a safe environment for students, I am familiar with and accept that there is a risk of injury, possibly of a serious nature in participation in the Event;  [injury? what kind of injury? The kids'll be operating small, robotic subs in a shallow tank of water for frigs sake!]
  • Injuries may include, but are not limited to, bruises, abrasions, strains, muscular injuries, fractures, back injuries, joint injuries, concussions, drowning, paralysis and death;  [OK, sounds to me like this 'Event' is actually going to be Acapulco cliff diving or duelling with light sabres or frigging ice hockey!]
  • Injuries may result from, without limitation, equipment malfunction, slipping, tripping or falling, hazards inherent to the environment of the Event;  [so you're REALLY saying we should encase the little darlings in bubble wrap before sending them off to 'the orifice  edifice of unparalleled danger'...]
  • I knowingly and freely assume all such risks, both known and unknown, even if arising from the negligence of those persons released from liability below, and assume full responsibility for my Child's participation;  [...and we should also have Father Ted bless them and sprinkle a wee bit of holy water on them for good measure...]
  • My Child will immediately notify the nearest official of 'the institute of higher learning', if at any time he/she senses or observes any unusual condition or feels that he/she has experienced any deterioration in his/her physical, emotional or mental fitness, for continued safe participation in the Event;  [Do I understand Clause #691 correctly?...if the young'uns Spidey senses get tingling, or if they feel a crying jag coming on, they should tell the Commandant right away?]
  • I understand that the 'institute of higher learning' assumes no responsibility for personal injury or loss of or damage to my Child's personal property;  [Yeah. Right. Kinda seen that one coming]
  • I hearby consent to the use without compensation, of my Child's name and/or likeness, images and/or voice in publicity and advertising concerning the Event in any media and/or promotion throughout the world;  [so if you produce a video, and it makes its way to YouTube and goes all 'Justin Beiber' and it makes a crap-load of money for an as-of-yet 'UNKNOWN PRODUCT' we won't see a penny of that?]
  • I declare that I have read, understood and agree to the contents of the WAIVER FORM in its entirety and I sign it freely and voluntarily without any inducement.  [ya know, just because you can't SEE the friggin' gun pointed at your head doesn't mean that it's not there.]
Anyway, I signed and dated said form. So did the boy. So did the obligatory witnesses and the Holy Father himself. After I had my team of lawyers look over the document, Sean returned it to school. Then the Event got cancelled. Maybe he can risk life and limb NEXT week end.


Photo Credit: Safe Home Products

9 comments:

David Barber said...

Alan, it's health and safety gone totally raving bonkers, mate! Just going off the subject of robot wars but staying with schools and rules. My 7 year daughter isn't allowed anything in her snack box that has nuts in it.....because some other children and teachers in school may have nut allergies. My reply...stay out of my daughters snack box then and eat your own!! Happy Sunday and thanks for the comment on my first poem! ;-)

K.C. Shaw said...

Maybe they suspect one of the little darlings has fashioned one of those anime mechas and will go on a rampage. Definitely don't forget the holy water.

Laura Eno said...

Dontcha just love those invisible guns?
The photo you chose reminded me of the time my then 2 yr old stuck a fork into an electrical outlet! Of course, I sprinkled holy water on her and she was fine. Just make the boy keep some in his pocket.

Cathy Webster (Olliffe) said...

Had to laugh at they way you describe your snow shovelling ("sympathy pains" - heh!). And those forms, lord tunderin' jaysus, you'd be further ahead having all the children over to your house to chew on the electrical cords!

G.P. Ching said...

What have we become in our society? We are raising a bunch of pillow padded p*ssies. In my day, a playground was a handleless seesaw and a tire swing over a padding of broken glass. Not really about the glass but we did have the seesaw. Great post. :)

A Daft Scots Lass said...

Did you fill it out in triplicate?

Laurita said...

There's got to be a loophole in there somewhere that you can exploit.

I think our permission slips as kids basically said: I give permission to my son/daughter {blank} to go on this field trip. If anything happens to him/her it's his/her own damn fault.

Alan W. Davidson said...

David- We've got the same lunch insanity in the schools here. If any of the children (in the entire school) has an allergy then none of the children can bring that object to eat. Needless to say, a lot of kids came up with the mysterious 'liver and onions' allergy.

KC- You realize that I had to look up what an anime mecha was...kind of like a Transformer? Har! I get it...robotics club...

Laura Eno- The amount of dicey situations HE gets into we'd need to be buying the holy water by the barrell.

Cathy- Hmmm....twenty-odd kids here? *Flashes back to the children's birthday parties* I'll take my chances with the forms.

GP- Yeah, there were a lot of hazards back then...and we survived to tell the tale! I can just picture the seesaw and tire swing over broken glass. Remember Lawn Darts? Let me tell you about the time...

Gillian- No...thankfully.

Laurita- Yep. THose were simple forms back then. Waaaaay back when the teachers could smack you about a little. Sort of kept the little blighters in line.

Danielle Ferries said...

Oh, this really cheered up my morning. Sympathy pains. Hehe.