Friday, April 16, 2010

How Bad Can it Be?

The bad, in this case, is the movie I attended last night for our semi-regular "Bad Movie Night".


Picture, if you will, six adult males cuddled huddled together on two couches in the basement of a middle-class house. They watch a really bad movie on a flat screen mounted to the wall with sound emanating from two tiny speakers sending vibrations through their bodies and shaking the floor beneath their feet. Such is Bad Movie Night. Last night's offering was a tasty movie involving a lot of blood-letting, political incorrectness and sweary words. The feature was Zombies! Zombies! Zombies!

I thought to myself "Yay, a musical!". I was sadly mistaken. Coincidentally, I was reading today that Karen Schindler over at Miscellaneous Yammering dreamed about stripper zombies. I got wondering if there was something deep and Jungian at play here.

The 2008 movie was subtitled the more appropriate Strippers vs. Zombies and was about a certain 'lady of the night' getting some tainted drugs and turning into a zombie and infecting clients and passersby alike after biting them in assorted locations of the body. A group of strippers, Ho's, their pimp and a sundry others hide out in a strip club awaiting the inevitable climax...

Of course one of the girls has time to perform a lap dance on her boyfriend despite the death and dismemberment about them. My first inclination the movie would be special was when, only 60 seconds in, a zombie had his eyes gouged out by the sharp, pointy ends of a pair of figure skates when a girl used them as weapons. That chainsaw in the poster above gets used a lot near the end of the movie. The acting, of course, sucked and the script had plot holes large enough for a stripper pole to pass through. If I had a dollar for every time the words "F*&%, A%*hole, Bi&^$, and dirty Wh*&% were uttered I could pay off my family wagon.

There were several "one liners" during the movie that kept us in stitches but don't ask me to repeat them as my memory for remembering jokes is terrible and I'm shy and don't like to say those bad words. They did remarkably well with special effects considering how low budget the movie appeared. The dismembered limbs looked quite real and the zombies digging into stomachs for intestines was very gruesome. The chainsaw jabbed through the guy's face was very impressive, I must say. The highlight for me was the zombie guy walking about near the end of the movie with a silver coloured stiletto heel embedded in his left temple.

It's only my opinion, but I would have to say that there will be no Oscars going to this movie, but if bad is what you're looking for, Zombies! Zombies! Zombies! is the place to go. Just don't eat before watching. And make sure the kids are tucked away in bed.

On a side note, and quite possibly more entertaining, is the contest going on at Laurita Miller's blog Brain Droppings. You have until Monday the 19th to submit your stories or poems to her reflecting an 'ocean side theme'. Click on the link for full details. I've heard that for a prize she is giving away her first born, or the Avalon Peninsula or something like that. I'm working on my story this weekend, but it's way too long and I'm struggling to dismember chunks to get it to the 500 word maximum. Perhaps the chainsaw...

19 comments:

Kat said...

What's the bad words, Alan? I'll say 'em for ya!

And for heaven's sake--step away from the chainsaw--you're liable to hurt yourself. ;p

Strippers and zombies and men pressed together--oh my! Lmao!

Natalie L. Sin said...

Go strippers! Bash the zombies with your ample bosoms!

Anton Gully said...

So, not to be confused with the Jenna Jameson flick?

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0960890/

Cathy Olliffe said...

I tell ya, I don't know anybody with as interesting a life as you.

Laura Eno said...

I think I'll pass on that movie... :D

BlackLOG said...

I think the problem with your films is the tiny speakers you need to get 7.1/9.1 surround sound. Those Zombies will be running through you and you will be wondering why the film is not a dead cert for the Oscars.....Well perhaps not...

katey said...

I love bad movies, but I tend to let the MST3K guys vet (and mock) them for me. Or RiffTrax. It's a necessity.

Still, it's nice to know they got the dismemberment right, at least.

Elspeth Antonelli said...

This sounds like a classic - where were its nominations at the Oscars? I'll never understand Hollywood.

The wonderful thing is people dressed in designer suits sitting around a polished boardroom table chose this script over heavens knows how many others to go into production. It was a choice - unless there were chainsaw-wielding zombies roaming the halls. It's possible - it IS Hollywood.

Aaron Polson said...

Oh. My.

Of course, can it compete with Zombie Strippers? http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0960890/

Alan W. Davidson said...

Kat- Very true about the chainsaw...Thanks for dropping by, and I believe that it's no coincidence that the smut peddlers responded to this blog posting first and with enormous relish.

Nat- Well said! Another reason why you should be writing these sorts of screen plays.

Anton- No sir. I did look that one up while searching for this one on IMDB. That one seems much more credible, what with Robert (Freddie Krueger) Englund in a starring role. We obviously selected the wrong movie.

Cathy- I'm glad you think so. But really, I'm just an Indiana Jones trapped in a greying, overweight draftsman's body.

Laura- Wise choice. Though watching it may be good research for a future horror story.

Mr. B- I like your 'sensaround' idea. Perhaps we could have squirted ketchup on each other as well to accentuate the feeling of splattering blood.

Katey- Those sound interesting, I'll need to check them out.

Elspeth- I guess those suits figure that there are folks like us (6 nerds in a basement) willing to shell over money for bad scripts and acting like that. There is hope for all of us in writing if stuff like that actually gets purchased.

Aaron- I know, a bit over the top. Similar yet different to Zombie Strippers (see comment to Anton above).

Akasha Savage. said...

That brought such a vision into my head of the three of you.I'm still grinning....

Kat said...

Now Alan, I check your blog often, just to see what madness you're up to.

Peddle a bit O'smut and suddenly I've got a "reputation." Pfft. Lmao!

Karen from Mentor said...

Thank you for the shout out for my #fridayflash where I meet my worst nightmare. :0)

I have to admit that I read this the other night about two seconds after you posted it and couldn't comment because I was distracted by "six adult males snuggled on a couch"-- my fevered brain has now calmed down and I can type again....by the way? One definition of orgy is:

any act of immoderate indulgence; "an orgy of shopping"; "an emotional binge"; "a splurge of spending"

--so I think "Bad Movie Night" might need to be renamed.

I'm more of a --Radioactive Ant destroys the city kind of bad movie-- girl...but you go ahead and watch all the zombie killing bikini clad oozie toting femme fatales you want. I don't judge.

:0)<-- that's a big big grin

K.Hinny said...

WOW, Bad Movie Night sounds like loads of fun Alan! Zombies, Zombies, Zombies sounds a lot like a nutty movie I saw in the '90's called FrankenHooker.

If it hasn't been viewed for your Bad Movie Night, it may be worth trying to find. It's really, really, really bad.

Alan W. Davidson said...

Akasha- It's my goal in life to amuse as many as possible in the time given to me.

Kat- There could be worse things to do than peddle erotic fiction, I'm sure.

Karen- Some when you bring the word 'orgy' into Bad Movie Night it gives the whole event a sort of sleeziness and has me dreaming of a 1/2 hour steaming hot shower. Thanks for not judging...

KM- It can be loads of fun. The amount of appreciation of the movie may be directly proportional to the amount of beer consumed. Thanks for the FrankenHooker endorsement, we shall add it to the list.

kathryn said...

Wow...and a good time was had by all! I've gotta tell you, I might watch it just for that scene with the guy with the stiletto heel jutting out of his temple.

Sounds like lots of laughs and some serious Oscar contenders....not.

K.C. Shaw said...

That sounds like one of the worst movies ever, although it might have been worse as a musical. Or better, of course.

Danielle Ferries said...

A most amusing review. Very entertaining.

Alan W. Davidson said...

Kathryn- The stiletto thing was good, but there were so many other winning scenes. We never know what to expect at Bad Movie night (our host, Professor 'L' has hundreds to choose from).

KC- In a wierd sort of way, I think music could have increased the comedy value (you know, if a Keystone Cops kind of way).

Danielle- Thanks, glad you liked it!