Is it Spring Yet?

A couple of weeks ago, several North American groundhogs tried to tunnel up from their lairs to let us know if spring was near. Don't get me started ranting about a society that relies on weather forecasts from rodents.

We on The Rock have experienced high winds, torrential rainfall and generally warmer weather the past few days. Enough of the piled-up snow melted, allowing the boy to scour the back garden in search of dog sausages (armed with a long-handled shovel, several garbage bags and a military grade hazmat suit).

The warm weather has also roasted rousted me from my hibernation. A little bird informed me that my number is up...actually, me letter is up. I am the featured studmuffin friend today as part of Cathy Webster's Letter From a Friend series. You can read my submitted letter to Cathy and her humourous lead-in commenting on my writing, my chapeau du jour and my general 'hotness.' All That, and more, may be found at her blog Life on the Muskoka River.

Cathy did say some sweet things about me. And she made up a bunch of stuff too. So when my overall embarrassment subsides I will crawl back into my burrow and wrap myself up in my 'tablecloth' until spring. Environment Canada has gotten the forecasts so messed up recently that I've taken to consulting a Ouija board prior to leaving the house. Also, Naked Pete (shown below) said that Spring will arrive promptly on April 1...can a blind, hairless rat be wrong?



Just noticed that Pete's got teats...what's up with THAT?



Savage Beatings. And a Joke

I was going to post this entry yesterday but somehow I broke blogger.

I am sorry.

This week was a fairly regular routine of eating, working, sleeping and reading contest entries. I’ve gotten through a first read and am about to go through them a second time. I have four that stand out as superior stories for me. That being said, I’m sure that Laurita will have four different ones that SHE likes and Ellen will have four different ones for which she will emphatically support and administer savage beatings until we agree with her.

This is not me.

To counter this, I have been hitting the treadmill to build up stamina for what I’m sure will be a spirited debate with my associates to pick a winner for the Lost on the Rock Contest for 2011. I recently signed up for Tae Bo classes in a local gym, thinking it would help me get the upper hand on the lovely ladies. Sadly, when I arrived at the class I discovered it was Tie-Bow…a class where elderly gentlemen get assistance and training on how to create a proper cravat. The women will probably kick my ascot...but at least I will look simply maaaavelous (said like Billy Crystal, of course).

The chuckle of the day yesterday goes to Cathy Webster at her blog Life on the Muskoka River where she presents her “Ode to Lost Dryer Sheets.” If you missed it, it's hilarious and a must read.

And speaking of funny tales…corporate HQ back in Ontario recently held a contest to submit the best joke. The winner was guaranteed extra rations of bread and water. I didn’t bother to enter because I can’t compete against the combined wit of the drafting office. Besides, I could stand to lose a bit of weight. I present the winning entry below.


“For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman. One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he said he would pay her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write 'Spaghetti' on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.


One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. 'Honey,' she said, 'you received a very strange post card today. 'Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later,' he said. The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted. On the card was written: 'Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Three with meatballs, two without. Send extra sauce!!!!”

Weddings, Politics and Children's Programming

Geez, a slow news day. Nothing to talk about but that darn royal wedding going on in the UK.

Hmm...what to talk about? First off, there's only nine days left to enter your stories in our Lost on the Rock 2011 flash fiction contest. We will post about our prizes for the top four finishers this Sunday. And you know that you WON'T want to miss THAT!

Yesterday, my friend Cathy Webster blogged about the letter 'X' in her A to Z blog challenge. That always proves to be a tricky letter. Her post was about a certain Canadian children's television network that accidentally aired some footage of the horror movie "The Ring." LMAO...that's a few thousand more Canadian kids that will find themselves in some sort of therapy as adults. Mind you, the future Conservatives will likely blame it on the growing popularity of the New Democrats years earlier (darn sneaky socialists!)

Sorry...got a bit sidelined by politics there. It's only three days until our federal election and it's the talk of the town. That and the royal wedding. And hockey. Maybe beer too.

Cathy's post got me wondering about the kind of shows that I watched as a kid. The only thing that comes to mind was Hanna-Barbera cartoons. You all know what I'm talkin' about...Flintstones, Jetsons, Scooby-Doo and of course the ever popular Magilla Gorilla.

There was another show lurking in the depths of my memory...something amusing yet creepy. Fun yet dark. It took a little searching on YouTube to turn up this gem of a video. Within a few seconds my eyes glazed over and I was humming along to the catchy theme song for "H.R. Pufnstuf." Who wouldn't like that kid, the late Jack Wild, and those darn scary adult-size puppets...and don't get me going on those lyrics from the attached trailer.

"...a boy and his magic golden flute...come and play with me Jimmy, come and play with me. And I will take you on a trip, far across the sea."





So, enough of that...

I promised that I wouldn't stoop to slapping up photos of the royals today. I'll leave that to the media who are analyzing every nuance, whispered word and fancy hat. What better to present you with, though, than a photo from OUR royal wedding back in '94 (checks date on inside of wedding band to confirm...)



Members or MY royal family



Awards and Sunny Days

I was all set to come on here and boast about the sunny day and the fact that we on The Rock are one of the few places in North America without snow. The news tonight again showed people golfing at the local golf club here in St. John's.

Did anyone see that news story today noting that 49 of the 50 US states have some measure of snow? My first guess was that the odd state out was Hawaii...I was wrong. Apparently Florida is clear of snow.

Apparently, though, payback is on the way in the form of that storm moving up the east coast towards us. They are forecasting about 20cm of snow...small potatoes (or apples) compared to New York! We can apparently blame it all on La Nina.

Softening the weather setback is this fine award that I received from Cathy Webster at life on the muskoka river.

The Creative Genius Award is the brainchild of #fridayflasher Deanna Schrayer to celebrate International Creativity Month. Many thanks to the talented and creative Cathy for this award that apparently has no strings attached. A pleasant surprise that I don't have to make up 38 more things about myself. Or have to provide you with photo evidence of me juggling flaming bull testicles while riding a unicycle (that I would not do because, quite frankly, I don't own a unicycle).

I shall pass this fine award along to three other creative folk that are kind enough to frequent this blog...

Aaron Polson (check out his newly released Loathsome, Dark and Deep)

Kathryn who always makes me laugh at From the Inside...Out.

John Wiswell, humourist and creative brains behind The Bathroom Monologues.

OK, enough linkage for now...must put on my woollies and waterproof fez and check to see if the snow blower still works.